I am a 31-year old man. Ever since my early teenage years I have a problem with alcohol but I never realized it. In the beginning I gathered with friends to drink a glass or two, but I wonder if they ever were my friends or just drinking buddies…
From early age I had perceived that drinking is something macho and that it is right, because my family always was making moonshine and I thought that if I drink, I’ll be more mature. With alcohol, my inhibitions fell. I thought that I am more communicative and I didn`t notice when I lost control and I drank until I lost consciousness. Sometimes I drank to pick up a girl because I was ashamed to talk to her when I am sober, but the truth was that I was only making a fool of myself and it didn`t work out.
When I entered military service for the first time, I felt that alcohol is my obstacle and wanted to give up, but all my efforts were in vain. Over the years I made other attempts to stop drinking, but failed. It so happened that I reached to drugs too. I was not aware that I was powerless over addiction and I can not deal with this my problem alone.
I began to seek help and some friends who have also had the same problem told me about the therapeutic communities. I tried several places but never held on to the end…
Now I am here in BILANI and my remission continues for 5 months now. I feel wonderful. The nightmares have disappeared. I am calm and an optimist because I began to realize the fullness of life.
I discovered people who understand me, maybe because they have gone the same way. Here I learn to be responsible for myself and others. The people in the team are those who guide me and lead me ahead, because outside I was not understood and even among people I was feeling lonely.
I am here to understand who I am and for what I fight for. I fight myself to understand why I drink, what leads me to feel lonely…I want to live a true life, not the one that I have lived in a state of oblivion. I want my parents to be calm and to forgive me all the worries I have brought upon them over the years.
I believe that I will succeed and I put efforts into that every day. I want to discover the one thing that I can do best, and there are people who help me with that – from the group and the team, people who are next to me and help the most. I know that I will continue to treat my dependency and this is the place to stay clean and sober.